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Brenda Murphy

Expert Guru
Founder and Director of The Georgia Centre for Parental Coaching, Brenda holds a graduate degree in psychology, additionally, she is a certified professional coach specializing in teaching the parents of children with "challenging behavior" techniques and strategies that will make life easier and more peaceful. She serves as a patient educator/coach for a local medical center. Additionally, she serves as an adjunct faculty member who teaches psychology at a state-supported college. Her passion is teaching parents the secrets of managing a child's difficult behavior, which she does by telephone.




10 Tips from Brenda Murphy

Why AD/HD kids act the way they do.

Like the rest of us, AD/HD individuals follow, and prefer, patterns of behavior that feels natural, familiar, and comfortable--patterns that used to obtain their objectives. When these patterns are driven by impulsivity, restlessness, excessive distractibility, and for some, hyperactivity and irritability, an AD/HD child's patterns of behavior become more understandable. Many times these children are in search of high stimulation: danger and excitement can be used as a way to focus. These children tend to be easily frustrated, impatient, and flutter from activity to activity, finishing little if anything. The biological origins of this disorder are not clearly understood, even though it may have both genetic and environmental links. While AD/HD can't be cured, it can be managed, and so can the behavior that attends this disorder.

Successful High Achievers with AD/HD - The Gift of Persistence Pays Off!

Gifted individuals come from various backgrounds: science, community activists, politics, law, medicine, entertainment, the arts, and sports. To name but a famous few: Ansel Adams, Anne Bancroft, Beethoven, Alexander Graham Bell, "Pappy" Boyington, Hans Christian Anderson, Lewis Carroll, Leonardo da Vinci, Walt Disney, Cher, Thomas Edison, "Magic" Johnson, John F. Kennedy, Robin Williams, Henry Winkler, and Stevie Wonder. Try using any of these role models to explain to your child how they are in the company of greatness, and share the same kind of "race car brain." It helps to have role models. As John J. Ratey, M.D., Edward Hallowell, M.D. so aptly point out, "'attention deficit disorder'" is a highly misleading description of an intriguing kind of mind." The list above would certainly indicate so.

Management Tools for AD/HD: Education, Structure, Support & Encouragement

Parents, just as they advise about putting your own oxygen mask first before you help others, be sure to create a support structure for you. Locate knowledgeable professions and consult them when behavioral issues arise. Be sure to ask for help when you need it - know your limits. Structure, structure, structure. Create an environment to function as a kind of internal support system. AD/HD children feel happier when there is a predictable safety net of rules and consequences. Make lists. Create check-off charts. Repetition brings a greater sense of confidence and can lead to mastery of a skill over time.

Discipline and Punishment: What is the Difference?

Discipline means "to teach." Discipline is a type of training. Punishment is something altogether different. Punishment hurts. Punishment is connected to the idea that pain must be felt for learning to succeed. Punishment does teach but it teaches children the wrong things: how to lie, not get caught. It also teaches fear and disrespect for authority. In true discipline, parents teach their children a very important lesson: Actions have consequences. Choose an action, for good or for ill, and receive the consequence. Everyone is responsible for his or her actions and will be held accountable. Discipline requires a parent that consciously chooses to respond instead of react. Wise parents allow natural consequences to achieve its goal. Too much rough play with the dog or cat teaches an indelible lesson, naturally. When a child experiences the results of his or her own actions, they soon learn. This kind of teaching makes sense to a child. The child understands the cause and effect of such actions. The child learns how to be responsible and will base future decisions on past experience.

Homework Ideas That Make Sense

Create a study environment that works for your child. Some children require deep silence, others need some kind of wordless tune, since the lyrics tend to distract them. Music with a strong beat and a repetitious rhythm, such as tribal drumming sounds are nice. Natural background noises often work too: ocean sounds, rain, or other environmental sounds are useful. Establish a consistent study time and atmosphere. This is essential--study at the same time, the same place, and keep the environment consistent. Sit down with your child and create the rules together. When a child has input, they feel empowered and are more likely to uphold the agreement. Enforce the rules. Stick to the routine day in and day out. If needed, timed breaks can be given at regular intervals. Notice and praise the child's compliance in sticking to the plan.

Food for Thought - Literally

Breakfast and lunch should be high in protein and low in carbohydrates. Serve a meal that consists of 60% protein and 40% carbohydrates for breakfast. Other meals should be 50% protein / 50% complex carbs. Breakfast makes a fine meal in the afternoon, too. A protein shake would be a great treat. Be sure to check with your health care provider about adding supplemental minerals, and the benefit of Omega 3/6 Fish Oil capsules.


Creating Success. How to Nurture a Child's Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is another way of describing self-value. It is about how we see ourselves. It is also about how we see our personal achievements and our own sense of worth. With AD/HD children, self-esteem is shaped by how other people think and feel about him. Compounding this problem is that due to the hyperactive, disruptive behavior that AD/HD children exhibit, they are often excluded from social events because other parents may not want to invite a child who is known to have challenging behavior. Exclusion only adds to an AD/HD child's negative feelings about herself and reinforces the idea that he is inherently wrong or bad. The counterpoint for these hurtful messages is to notice and praise all that your child gets right. Encourage your child to create social events of his own. This helps him feel confident by practicing his prosocial behaviors. It's never easy to see your child excluded, but you can be positive and supportive, and remind your child of his ever-growing list of successes.


AD/HD Coaches Help Clients Develop Strategies for Meeting Goals

By using highly pragmatic approaches to problem solving, AD/HD coaches help clients identify what is preventing them from reaching specific goals and help them devise a plan to address these issues. Coaches create a safe environment for AD/HD individuals, and they encourage honest and open communication. Coaching is results oriented. Coaching is a remarkable vehicle for change. The coach's sole focus is on the client and the client's agenda. Coaching is a remarkable tool for co-creating practical, effective strategies for the achievement of personal goals.

From School Daze to School Praise!

Make your child's teacher your ally. Offer to share with the teacher the techniques that you have found to be most helpful in managing your child's behavior. Teachers appreciate this kind of practical wisdom and perhaps they can implement your techniques for the entire class.

Attention, please. Teacher as Leader

AD/HD children crave relationship. Teachers are perfectly positioned to deliver positive commentary and even "create" success when the student is experiencing feelings of failure. Line-of-sight eye contact and allowing the child to meet success by "helping" in some way, lay the foundation for smoothing out the rough patches. Notice, notice, notice everything the child gets right and comment on it in a positive way. Meet the perennial response to your questions by AD/HD children that begin with: "I don't know," with the response: "It's okay not to know. That's a great starting point; I appreciate your honesty." This kind of opening goes a long way to securing the child's respect and cooperation.